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Angela Lansbury, bride of Satan
Word is getting about that a regular diet of Toasty’s Futon is the sure way to a healthy and prosperous future.
That influential commentator Vicus Scurra has hailed Easy does it as ‘today’s best journal entry’ in his Kaliyuga Kronicles and declared me his new best friend (too kind, can I borrow your car for the whole of next week?). Nice comments in response from Caroline M of Trivial Pursuit and Adam of Adam’s Un-Webjournal A.K.A. Tales from the Mile, both of whom I want to have my babies.
Peter of Naked Blog has added Toasty’s Futon to his sidebar and called us ‘a real treat … effing brilliant. Think Fawlty Towers, League of Gentlemen, Keeping Up Appearances...’ (Bless you Peter, my wrongly addressed packet of date-expired Green Shield Stamps is in the post.) But the commemorative crystal stirrup-pump for the very first human being to put Toasty’s Futon on his sidebar goes to another favourite of mine, Willie Lupin of Musings from Middle England. What a man. Among witty left-wing gay quintagenarian atheists who’ve seen Lynda Bellingham naked, he has no peer.
♦ All these people should be sent crates filled with truffles.
♦ If you see them in the street you should kneel down in the gutter until they’ve gone past.
♦ When rewriting your will you should seriously consider dividing your residual estate between the five of them.
♦ Failing that, can you at least stop gobbing on them from the upper decks of open-topped buses? Thank you.
As for Angela Lansbury, well, I’m not saying it’s definite, it may be a complete misunderstanding, but it’s what I heard down the launderette, all right?
VICUS SCURRA said…
Creep.
PETER said…
Damn. Just today I was singing your praises again, but missed the acknowledgements column. OK - you're on the A list as from now. (Meant to do it earlier, but - you know...)
AIMLESS said…
Rusks! Rusks! More rusks, begob, or I'll piss the carpet, shave your side whiskers, trundle trash cans up and down the alleyway at three in the morning and invite Jehovah's Witnesses in to convert you with religious comic books and dire predictions. Then I'll give them all your gin. Then I'll hide your scrofula medicine.
A rusk? Why thankee, mate! Don't mind if I do.
TOASTY replied…
Oh come on Vicus, you know you love it.
Peter – thanks for glowing review. Shall try my best to deserve it.
Aimless – too late to do anything now, of course, but I’m told that wasn’t a rusk, it was a live scorpion wearing heavy camouflage. And so perish all enemies of the Crown.
TOASTY added…
Readers may have noticed that Peter’s comment doesn’t altogether make sense. That’s because ‘Angela Lansbury, bride of Satan’ has been revised since his comment was posted. It is not because I’m holding him hostage with a gun at his head, forcing him to write increasingly incoherent tributes to me, though that remains an option.
WILLIE LUPIN said…
I only saw this today and immediately contacted the local sorting office to complain about the non-delivery of a crystal stirrup-pump. They could only find an unclaimed penis pump so I said I'd settle for that.
Anyway, thank you. I'm almost vain enough to put your quote on my sidebar but I've forgotten how you put things on the sidebar so I might just insinuate it into one of my posts with lots of false modesty that won't fool anyone.
TOASTY replied…
A friend of mine, sadly now dead, wrote a never-published novel entitled The Parish Pump. You’ve made me see it in a whole new light.
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