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Easy does it
These days we’re all sceptical about advertisers’ claims. Remember the disinfectant that ‘killed all known germs’ but not a single one of the unknown ones, like that fifty-foot virus that took over your guest bedroom?
Or the ‘ultimate solution to personal debt’ that led to your head being bolted to a garage wall by an Albanian called Mkgrxkx Lngygxtzx?
So you can imagine how I scoffed when told that TV Choice is now marketing itself as ‘THE EASY-TO-USE TV MAGAZINE!’
To my amazement, it’s perfectly true. To use TV Choice, all you have to do is follow these simple steps: (1) turn pages (2) read words (3) decide to go to pub.
Why on earth all the other TV listings magazines don’t follow TV Choice’s example, I can’t imagine.
Outwardly they look the same, as if they too are made of folded sheets of paper stapled together, on which details of radio and television broadcasts have been printed in a widely-known language.
But don’t be deceived. What’s on TV consists of wax tablets covered in hieroglyphs. TV Companion is a small rectangular man who communicates only in traditional West Country riddles. TV Times is made of frozen helium and evaporates on purchase, while in order to comprehend Radio Times you must stand naked beneath a grating while an ox is ritually slaughtered above you, and even then there’s no guarantee.
In my opinion the TV Choice formula deserves to catch on. So it’s big-ups to them, whatever big-ups may be, or am I happier not knowing?
VICUS SCURRA said…
They are doing their best, don't be so picky.
TV Guide suggests, as one of their 5 "Shows not to miss" something with Patrick Kielty in it.
Unless they are addressing the advice to someone with an automatic rifle, then they are far more valid targets for criticism.
CAROLINEM said…
Big ups...yes, haven't we suffered enough?
His Royal Maggoty Prince Scurra directed me here, I'm so glad he did.
TOASTY replied…
And we are honoured to receive you, Ma’am’selle, though in these almost-entirely-offline times it can take us forty-eight hours to say so.
Patrick Kielty? Isn’t he the one with the, I mean the one who always – no, I can’t go on.
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