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The Toasty’s Futon Music Festival
Welcome to our exciting new page, chock-full of exciting news about this year’s Toasty’s Futon Music Festival, to be held right here at Toasty’s Futon later this year!!
Already we’ve nearly booked several top acts you probably won’t want to miss if you’re a musically interested Toasty’s Futon fan with a keen interest in music!
This year we have an expanded range of venues ranging from Ginger Geezer to Your All Gay – something for everyone we’re sure you’ll agree!
Will patrons please refrain from ripping out the air-conditioning system and shoving shrunken heads down the toilet as happened last year.
Just think – you can be wafted to paradise by the strains of the 3rd Brechin Graffiti Brigade Massed Pipe & Drum (Callum & Rory McLoser) or lured into a Latin American romance by the sensuous rhythms of Dennis Neckbrace (guitarist/singer with good patter). Plus you won’t be able to ignore our ever popular Make The Music Yourself session at the Toasty’s Futon Counselling Centre for the Frail & Maladjusted (tambourines provided, please bring own sound system)!!
Note: Toasty’s Futon is not licensed for the sale of alcohol, does not serve food, is unsuitable for camping, and smells of dead goat.
Be sure to make a date in your diary for this unmissable annual event which happens every year without fail – but not without failures!!!!
See you there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[insert emoticon for ‘thin crust of hysterical attention-seeking masking depression, self-hatred, etc.’ as usual]
WEEBLEMAN said…
Will there be mud?
Real ale?
Extraordinarily pretty girls?
I think we should be told.
AIMLESS said…
I shall be boycotting this festival, as usual, until you and all your nefarious cohorts in crime agree to my suggestion (demand, if we must be honest) to let my grand-niece play the flugelhorn.
She knows how to play "Tiptoe Through the Tulips", "Tea for Two" and "Wait Until the Sun Shines, Nellie". I see her as a perfect opening act for Ginger Geezer.
If you do not aceded to my demands, I shall, as usual be picketing at the front gate, carrying my sign stating what is no more than the truth - Toasty's Futon Makes Little Girls Cry. I shall also bring my schnauzer, Cuddles. Beforehand I shall feed him curry, with the ususal results.
I look forward to hearing from you soon in this regard.
Yours, Aimless.
WEEBLEMAN said…
I am sure that I have seen your schnauser for sale at some festivals- labelled curried goat- at the Caribbean food stalls. Will your picket at the front gate be something of a culinary competitor? It seems to me that much opportunity lies before you, by varying the schnauser's diet. Dog a la chicken tikka nasala sounds good to me.
WEEBLEMAN added
* masala, even ( unless you are keen on nostrils as a delicacy).
TOASTY replied…
Weebleman: Last year the real ale tasted like mud, so that’s two out of three. And in my experience almost anyone looks extraordinarily pretty if you’ve drunk enough ale/mud…
Aimless: Look, for the last time – no one denies your grand-niece’s musical gifts, but we can’t overlook her personal responsibility for the 1998 germ warfare disaster. People would be upset were she to saunter in here and launch into ‘Wait Untill The Sun Shines, Nelly’ like any other eight-year-old prodigy.
I would remind you that the only reason we don’t use the slogan Aimless’s Grand-niece Makes Little Girls Cry is that she wiped them out so rapidly they didn’t even manage a preliminary sniff.
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